Should you forgive a narcissist?

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More on Asperger's Syndrome:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=YL8Uw3anjLo&list=PLyMzTz301QVx4DyktIi5OBPlP8c03LfF-
More on Narcissism:
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CadnytkqDKk&list=PLyMzTz301QVxr0yvW47ev6l8m1jPKagbO


Right off the bat, we need to understand that 'offering forgiveness' and 'forgiveness' are not the same.

That is, you can offer someone something, but they don't have to accept it. And if they don't accept it, no transaction has transpired.

So, number 1 of 6 important points is...

1. 'Offering forgiveness' and 'forgiveness' are not the same.

Here's another illustration.

You can offer to sell someone a car, but if they don't want to buy it, you haven't sold it. Or, someone can offer to buy your car, but if you don't care to sell it there is no transaction.

Forgiveness is a transaction between two people.

So where do we go from here?

2. Leave the door unlocked.

Imagine someone storms out of your house, kind of like a narcissist discards you.

If you lock the door behind them so they can't return, you are not offering forgiveness. If you leave the door unlocked and the porch light on, you ARE offering forgiveness, but the offender is not forgiven until he or she returns.

3. It must be genuine.

Many of us are familiar with the term 'hoovering.' Hoovering occurs after you are discarded by a narcissist, and he or she decides to return. They try to suck you back into their influence.

So, you offer a narcissist forgiveness and he or she may pretend to accept it. But, in reality, they really have no contrition. There's no shame or sorrow for what they've done. But, granted, narcissists can fake shame and sorrow.

4. There must be evidence of contrition

This may take years. You offer forgiveness. The narcissist says they accept your forgiveness. How do you know it's genuine? You know it's genuine if their behavior changes.

But because narcissists are good actors, it may take a very long time to discern if their behavior is genuine or just an act.

5. It's highly unlikely

I'm convinced that narcissism is hard-wired; that narcissists are programmed by nature with the traits that manifest themselves are, collectively, narcissism.

I believe narcissists don't change because they cannot change. In other words, forgiveness will seldom, if ever, happen because narcissists don't see their narcissism as a bundle of flawed traits.

Rather, they see their narcissism as a savvy instinct that gives them an advantage over others. Coupled with a lack of affective empathy (affection), the ego-dependent narcissist may superficially accept your forgiveness, but it's not genuine.

6. Offer forgiveness for yourself

So why bother to offer forgiveness if the narcissist is almost certainly not going to change?

The answer is: You do it for yourself. It's a strategy that puts the narcissist out of sight and out of mind so you can get on with your life.

And who knows? Maybe I'm wrong. What do you think? Do narcissists ever accept forgiveness?